Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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