That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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