apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
