if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
