Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize