Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
