My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
