i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
