Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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