under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
