before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
