so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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