Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
