If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
