Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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