There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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