Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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