My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
