OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
