Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
