please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
