i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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