omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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