I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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