Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
