i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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