I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize