Redeem this text for a blowjob
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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