Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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