I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize