You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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