Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
