This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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