Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
