Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
