Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
