____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
