Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
