it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
