Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
