Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
