sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
