I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
