maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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