you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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