i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
