If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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