Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
