but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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