Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
