im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
