Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
