I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
