She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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