If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
