I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
