Where did you get a picture of my penis
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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