you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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