careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
