Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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