So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
