The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
