just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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