i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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