Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
