Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
