Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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