you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
