My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
