Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
