Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
