As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
