So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
