haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
