I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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