i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
