is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize