Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
