Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize