I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
