sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
