my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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