Nicole vs. Life
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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