Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
