Got a toothbrush?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
