Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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