break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
