Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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