Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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