How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
