I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
