woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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