i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize