I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
