Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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