I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
