I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
