I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
