okay pat passed out under dana's car
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
