the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
