I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize