my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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