you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
