you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
