first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
